Some people should not be allowed to watch television. Seriously. Many of you are too easily consumed by what you see on the idiot box and I’m the wrong person to leave responsible with certain information. For instance, a few years back there was a young lady that after watching an episode of “Sex and the City” thought it was a good idea to call me to ask to cum on her face because it was good for the skin.
Once upon a time Sunday was reserved for the strip club. I would eat buffalo wings, drink vodka and then meet the rest of my crew and hold court in our private booth. However, on this particular Sunday we decided not to roll, so I was available when she called. After laughing hysterically for a few minutes, the vodka kicked in and I agreed to participate in her little experiment. Within five minutes my doorbell was ringing and thirty seconds later she was on her knees working to get the moisturizing cream to exfoliate.
This was not the first time she had found herself in this position, as the previous two years held plenty of late-night encounters between the two of us when horniness took over the night. However she was on a mission this time, I doubt she stopped at the two stop signs that separated our homes and seemed intent on getting my man milk out of me even faster. There was no hello, no small talk, just her working me out of my underwear and into her mouth as she rooted for a premature ejaculation.
Well…five hours of vodka prevented that and for the next 35 minutes she used her hands, tried relaxing her jaws, sat in a chair, used my hand and finally it came, well I came. She was creeped out by the prospect, but took it in the face like a champ. Right on her cheek! I’m not sure if I was a little backed up or just a little excited, but it was a helluva load that she was able to rub in and work around most of her face.
The entire time I’m asking myself, “Does she know she has to have this done every day to actually work?” I’m not sure she really understood that it was a process that would take multiple applications to gauge if it was working or if she thought I had super sperm and would clear her skin magically overnight. Either way, the next night when I texted for her nightly facial (pun intended), she mentioned something about Proactiv and I mentioned something about her being stupid and we never saw each other again. She didn’t act too crazy when I told her that I wasn’t kicking it with her anymore, because of the matter of a photo or two of her little experiment…wonder if she’ll read this and notice the picture?