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The Promiscuous Bisexual

There seems to be this notion floating around that all bisexual women can’t keep it in their pants. As if we’re choosing to be bisexual just so that we can have the best of both worlds, because we’re indecisive and/or because we’re greedy. Why isn’t it just that as bisexual women we are attracted to men and women? Why isn’t it that we can connect with both men and women? Every bisexual woman doesn’t cheat, just as every bisexual woman isn’t going to be willing to have a threesome with you.

I can admit that when I was younger and exploring my sexuality, I was a bad girl. But I can’t honestly place the blame on my bisexuality. I’m a free spirit. I’m open-minded. I like to have my way. And if you can’t tame me, I’ll walk over you. It’s not a good thing, but I know this. I’m aware of this. *gasp* did she say “tame me”? Yes, yes I did. I’ll get into roles and domination/submission another time. Close your mouth.

I can only blame my promiscuity and inability to remain faithful on myself and immaturity. When I was younger, I found any and every reason that could be used as an excuse for my behavior. I felt entitled to both. Oh, you don’t like both? Not my problem. If you did, you could have your cake and eat it too. But since you don’t, you better be faithful to me. Nothing about any of that was right, but I believed it.

Couple that immaturity with my incredibly high sex drive? Recipe for disaster.

I have ruined plenty of relationships because of this false sense of entitlement. I wasn’t able to put my wants aside and understand how this could be hurtful to my partner. I convinced myself that this made sense and that it was right. So either you deal with it or go. Some stayed. They probably shouldn’t have, because that just further encouraged the behavior. I can do this and you’re not going anywhere? I didn’t learn the lesson. Time and time again.

I was a cheater, a big cheater. And I felt absolutely just in my actions. There were other things feeding into this part of my life, and you know what? The bisexuality only played a part in the fact that I was willing to cheat with men and women.

I just needed a wake-up call.

I got that and then some. I was madly in love; I was going to marry her. But that wasn’t enough for me to grow up. I felt it wasn’t hurting anyone. We were open about it, we talked about it, she knew about it. So, how can you be mad if you haven’t said anything to stop the behavior? You’re on the other side of the country. I needed to feel that closeness. I didn’t want anyone else’s love, or commitment. I just needed to feel someone. And not one of those people took away my love for her. But she decided she couldn’t deal. She wanted to call it quits. I never hurt the way that I hurt when she took her love away from me. It’s true that you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. I didn’t realize that she was more important to me than a few moments in between someone else’s sheets. I didn’t say that I didn’t know this. I knew. But it didn’t sink in. She stayed through so much. It just seemed okay. I know now that it’s not okay (if the person you’re with isn’t okay with it.)

That was it for me. That was that moment in my life that made me step back and look at myself and what I was doing. It was that period in my life that I learned about myself and learned that my actions don’t only affect me.

And that’s a lesson a lot of people don’t learn or accept, ever. Those are those people who are acting twenty-ish when they’re sixty, married for thirty years with five kids. I pity those people.

I lost her.

And this was one of those times when crying, begging, pleading, time, NOTHING could change the outcome. It took a while but I got over it. I was bitter for a while. But I didn’t allow that bitterness to encourage more promiscuity, more bad decisions. The cycle ended with her.

Cheating isn’t about you. It’s about your partner and your relationship.

You have to think about what you’re doing and what this could possibly do to what you have at home. You have to weigh what you want right now against what you have. You have to weight what you want for this moment against what you want forever. If what you stand to lose is more than what you stand to gain, stay your ass at home. If what you stand to gain is more than what you stand to lose? Just end the relationship.

Cheating is different in every relationship. Whatever you two decide is unacceptable for your relationship, it is now your duty to honor and respect that. It’s simple; don’t enter into something with someone if you don’t agree with what their standards for cheating are. Don’t promise yourself to someone if you can’t give them you.

I can’t speak for others, only myself. I was a cheater. And that was because I WAS A CHEATER, not because I was bisexual. If I wasn’t bisexual, I’d only had cheated with men.

A cheater is a cheater, regardless of sexuality. I know way more heterosexual cheaters than I do homo- or bisexual cheaters. Chew on that.


13 responses to “The Promiscuous Bisexual

  1. TJBM ⋅

    Couldnt it be argued that you are ony cheating in a bi-sexual relationship if you solicit an expereince from the same sex. Wouldnt the premis of being Bi mean that you would have a male and a female partner? Just askin

  2. msbyepoleher ⋅

    What is a bisexual relationship? I’m the only party who is bisexual. I’m either in a relationship with him or I’m in a relationship with her. I didn’t cheat because I was bisexual, I cheated because I wanted to. Sounds super fucked up now, but I have no reason to lie to myself about it anymore. We’re no longer together. Bisexual doesn’t mean that you have a male AND female partner at the same time. It just means that I am attracted to both males and females, I could be with either a male or a female. There’s nothing written anywhere that it has to happen at the same time. Is it still bisexual cheating if I cheat on him with another man? Or if I cheat on her with another woman? Is this now heterosexual cheating and lesbian cheating? I don’t think so. I can be bisexual and be in a relationship with a woman and only with her. Right now I’m still bisexual, I’m not cheating and I’m with a man. What, does this mean I’m straight, for now? Not even close.

  3. mrG ⋅

    Good shit homie…i definitely needed to hear that. But glad I heard it after some good memories ; )

  4. StackGSz

    That’s deep.. I kno a lot of bisexuals that Jus cheat cause they feel like they are Pimps but I have also seen them hurt when the one they wanted walked away n never looked back , I mean cheating isn’t about your sexuality its about the freedom the person your with gives you , it can also be to see how far you can go , or Jus the fact that you don’t care Idk I’ve cheated because I wasn’t gettin wat I wanted out of my relationship as hard as I tried then I.broke it off cause after I felt guilt Nd I couldn’t have that on my.chest for to long .. cheating is never right if you feel your goin in that direction get outta. ya situation

  5. J.D. Keys ⋅

    Cheating hold a very significant meaning for me not because I myself has cheated or been cheated on, it was because I grew up with it in my face. My mom was/is a cheater. As far as I can remember, she was always involved with some older married man. These guys were good dudes. How do I know this… They allowed for me and my brother to become attached to them (daddy wasn’t there). So imagine… As a kid… building up these relationships and then have them just “disappear,” having to screen phone calls, the sneaky behavior, the “how come we can’t tell anyone?” type questions. This is why I have as many trust, attachment, and abandonment issues as I do. I don’t think I’ve ever seen mom have a legit relationship. So when I think about cheating, and I have, I don’t act on it. It aint worth it to me. Good entry. Thanks for bringing up memories.

    • msbyepoleher ⋅

      That’s powerful. And it’s interesting that you consider your mother a cheater, as opposed to only considering the men cheaters. A lot of people witness it growing up and it doesn’t prevent them from repeating the same behaviors. You have my respect for CHOOSING to not cheat and go that route. It’s easy to fall pray to the temptations out there. Reality is there will ALWAYS be temptation. But you don’t always have to succumb to it. It takes a stronger person to say no than to say yes.

      Thanks for sharing.

  6. Once again, wonderful entry! Coming from a bi-sexual woman I can relate. I was cheated in on in my last couple relationships (they were w/men). One would think that a man wouldn’t cheat on his bi-sexual girlfriend who was more than willing to have another women, as long as she was up to par, in our bed room. But they did. Not because they had to, but because they wanted to. I’ve been on both ends, the betrayed and the betrayer. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. I say that to say this; at the end of the sexual preference has nothing to do with cheating. I was faithful in my last relationship, he wasn’t. And we spent the first 2months of “us” in different timezones. It’s about self control and commitment. People without self control shouldn’t blame their inability to be with one partner on their sexual preference. It’s not a good look. If you like to fuck, then hey you like to fuck, be honest with yourself and your partner. Once again, great post luv! ;^)

    • msbyepoleher ⋅

      You’re right here with me. I’m glad you left a comment with this. You’re absolutely right, sexual preference has NOTHING to do with if you will cheat. It’s on you, as a person, at the end of the day.

  7. MoneyGray

    Well-written ingenuous account of something (cheating) that’s become commonplace in all realms. Good read.

  8. ThePrettyMD ⋅

    Great point and (as usual) very well written. Keep sending me links!! I love reading them!!!!

  9. Pingback: Fuck Monogamy « My Adventures with Her

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