There seems to be this notion floating around that all bisexual women can’t keep it in their pants. As if we’re choosing to be bisexual just so that we can have the best of both worlds, because we’re indecisive and/or because we’re greedy. Why isn’t it just that as bisexual women we are attracted to men and women? Why isn’t it that we can connect with both men and women? Every bisexual woman doesn’t cheat, just as every bisexual woman isn’t going to be willing to have a threesome with you.
I can admit that when I was younger and exploring my sexuality, I was a bad girl. But I can’t honestly place the blame on my bisexuality. I’m a free spirit. I’m open-minded. I like to have my way. And if you can’t tame me, I’ll walk over you. It’s not a good thing, but I know this. I’m aware of this. *gasp* did she say “tame me”? Yes, yes I did. I’ll get into roles and domination/submission another time. Close your mouth.
I can only blame my promiscuity and inability to remain faithful on myself and immaturity. When I was younger, I found any and every reason that could be used as an excuse for my behavior. I felt entitled to both. Oh, you don’t like both? Not my problem. If you did, you could have your cake and eat it too. But since you don’t, you better be faithful to me. Nothing about any of that was right, but I believed it.
Couple that immaturity with my incredibly high sex drive? Recipe for disaster.
I have ruined plenty of relationships because of this false sense of entitlement. I wasn’t able to put my wants aside and understand how this could be hurtful to my partner. I convinced myself that this made sense and that it was right. So either you deal with it or go. Some stayed. They probably shouldn’t have, because that just further encouraged the behavior. I can do this and you’re not going anywhere? I didn’t learn the lesson. Time and time again.
I was a cheater, a big cheater. And I felt absolutely just in my actions. There were other things feeding into this part of my life, and you know what? The bisexuality only played a part in the fact that I was willing to cheat with men and women.
I just needed a wake-up call.
I got that and then some. I was madly in love; I was going to marry her. But that wasn’t enough for me to grow up. I felt it wasn’t hurting anyone. We were open about it, we talked about it, she knew about it. So, how can you be mad if you haven’t said anything to stop the behavior? You’re on the other side of the country. I needed to feel that closeness. I didn’t want anyone else’s love, or commitment. I just needed to feel someone. And not one of those people took away my love for her. But she decided she couldn’t deal. She wanted to call it quits. I never hurt the way that I hurt when she took her love away from me. It’s true that you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone. I didn’t realize that she was more important to me than a few moments in between someone else’s sheets. I didn’t say that I didn’t know this. I knew. But it didn’t sink in. She stayed through so much. It just seemed okay. I know now that it’s not okay (if the person you’re with isn’t okay with it.)
That was it for me. That was that moment in my life that made me step back and look at myself and what I was doing. It was that period in my life that I learned about myself and learned that my actions don’t only affect me.
And that’s a lesson a lot of people don’t learn or accept, ever. Those are those people who are acting twenty-ish when they’re sixty, married for thirty years with five kids. I pity those people.
I lost her.
And this was one of those times when crying, begging, pleading, time, NOTHING could change the outcome. It took a while but I got over it. I was bitter for a while. But I didn’t allow that bitterness to encourage more promiscuity, more bad decisions. The cycle ended with her.
Cheating isn’t about you. It’s about your partner and your relationship.
You have to think about what you’re doing and what this could possibly do to what you have at home. You have to weigh what you want right now against what you have. You have to weight what you want for this moment against what you want forever. If what you stand to lose is more than what you stand to gain, stay your ass at home. If what you stand to gain is more than what you stand to lose? Just end the relationship.
Cheating is different in every relationship. Whatever you two decide is unacceptable for your relationship, it is now your duty to honor and respect that. It’s simple; don’t enter into something with someone if you don’t agree with what their standards for cheating are. Don’t promise yourself to someone if you can’t give them you.
I can’t speak for others, only myself. I was a cheater. And that was because I WAS A CHEATER, not because I was bisexual. If I wasn’t bisexual, I’d only had cheated with men.
A cheater is a cheater, regardless of sexuality. I know way more heterosexual cheaters than I do homo- or bisexual cheaters. Chew on that.