Only me. It could only happen in my life that a simple “Happy Birthday” text message turns into something far from the intention. It was innocent, I swear all I did was text her “Happy Birthday”, but she needed more from me. It’s a ritual I enact a few dozen times each year, at midnight I call or text a family member or friend “Happy Birthday”; I’m not big on holidays, but I believe birthdays are special and I like to ensure that someone feels that way on their day. However, I may soon be changing my practice, here’s why…
At 7:14am on a cold winter’s Saturday morning my phone went off and there was a simple “Thank You” message text, so I ignored it, a simple reply to a simple message. What came next was the inevitable birthday question, “What are you getting me?”, to which I replied, “Same thing as last year, only better”. It was my belief that I gave her nothing for her birthday and I was sure I didn’t, I don’t buy gifts for people. The toothy smiley face in my inbox told me something different, but I figured she was just excited about it being her birthday.
A barrage of text messages came through telling me how she’d been missing me, missing the things we used to do, missing me inside of her. I was dumbfounded, unsure of where this all came from, we had “the talk” months before and I believed she understood I was moving in a different direction with my life, a direction that didn’t include her. The final text replayed what we did for her birthday last; the drinks, the vibrator, the pictures, the video, the friend, the disappearing condom…all of that!
What had I done? I’d reopened the closet where I concealed the bones and nights Rick James would blush at, I’d done so much in recent months to remove myself from that lifestyle, that when I came face-to-face with it I was embarrassed. But here she was excited, thinking that I returned to her, if only for one night.
My apologies and explanations seemed to be falling on deaf ears, she was already making plans around what she believed would be a late-night tryst, she believed she was going to get the gift that had stopped giving, me. I reminded her of our previous conversation, reminded her that she didn’t fit into my new life, reminded her why, but it didn’t matter, I had reminded her of what she loved and what she didn’t have anymore.
Here I am at 7:30 in the morning, having a conversation I’ve had to have too many times in the previous months, hoping my sincerity is felt through 160 character bursts. I really couldn’t concern myself with how she felt, I only knew what I felt and the change that was needed…so I changed my telephone number within the next five minutes!