Posted on

I’m Not Your Daddy, I Was Your Man

Ya Pop’s owes me a favor, I basically raised ya

Our relationship was never going to work. You needed far more than I was capable of giving you at the time. I had to be your man, your friend, your mentor, your counselor and your father. The other roles I had no issue with, but your Daddy issues were beyond my scope and I disappointed you time and time again.

I’m sorry.

Once you abandoned your hope of being Daddy’s little girl, you went out into the world on your own and landed in my life, in my apartment, in my bed. I was forced to teach you things about life that he should have when you were much younger; I was helping to build your esteem while fucking other women, how twisted was that? Your dad was supposed to warn you about guys like
me, instead, a guy like me was advising you on the pitfalls of life.

Between the fighting and the fucking I taught you how to cook, about building your credit,put stamps in your passport, took you out of sneakers and kept you in matching bra and panties. I read you Shakespeare before bed and held you during thunderstorms, but I turned our dreams into nightmares… I became your beautiful boogieman.

I spent so much time being everything to you that I had nothing for myself and you couldn’t give me what I needed, so I spent more time at work, more time in the bars and more time at the Red Roof Inn. I was running from the responsibility of being your boyfriend and your father as we contemplated having children together. I was looking for the release a woman offers a man, but couldn’t trust you were able to provide that for me.

I was wrong, I know this now, knew it then.

You were much stronger than most women I knew, you had to be, you were left to fend for yourself from a young age. Not to mention, I placed a thousand pounds of stress on your shoulders with my bullshit and you carried it until it broke your back. Somehow, you’ve put the failures of your father and a man you thought you loved behind you and you’re better than ever,
blossomed into a beautiful woman despite how ugly life has been to you. I know I’ve played a part, both negatively and positively, in your development and despite all I put you through we remain friends.

It’s amazing you’ve found it in your heart to maintain a relationship with someone who’s caused so much grief in your life and left you alone in a jungle with lions like me marking you as prey; then again, you’ve managed to forgive my hurt and have grown from it. I guess you remembered more of what I taught you about life than what I lied to you about concerning love.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s