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When a Woman

Tamia said it best.

When a woman stops cryin,
You best believe she has a new plan
She’s preparing for something new
Something that doesn’t include you
When a woman ceases to cry
She bout ready to say good-bye
Good-bye…

As a woman we too often find ourselves in situations, be it relationships or “it’s complicated”-ships, where we are under/unappreciated, disrespected, abused, betrayed and/or hurt. Too often we stay too long. Too often we put up with more than we should or that other person deserves. Too often we lie to ourselves and believe they can change. Too often. But why? A lot of us feel that we can’t really do better. A lot of us believe we don’t deserve better. And a lot of us are living in the fantasy, choosing to believe that the good times are better than they really are and conveniently forgetting the bad.

Women’s intuition is a sixth sense that we all have. It’s real. That feeling in your chest, in the pit of your stomach, those hairs on the back of your neck. They’re real. You’re not imagining it. Way too many men don’t believe in this gift, but it’s real. Some of us are more in touch with our intuition than others, but it’s inside all of us. Unfortunately, too many of us don’t listen to that voice, to the feeling. Those of us who ignore our intuition, also ignore the red flags. In some cases ignoring the red flags can be dangerous. That aggressiveness and possessiveness you thought was adorable before is now scary and discomforting. I ignored red flags in one particular relationship and found myself being abused. Sure that’s an extreme example but it’s a real possibility.

Your instincts, those red flags, are not to be ignored.

A weak man will try to discredit your intuition and have you believe you’re just imagining things, you’re crazy, you’re overreacting, you’re insecure- don’t buy into it. If you feel something is off deep inside, trust yourself. Not every woman who believes that something isn’t right is tapping into her intuition, there are some women who are just neurotic and insecure- but i’m not talking about them.

Some men can be so arrogant to believe that they can slither in the darkness and not be at risk for being exposed in the light.

If you can do the dirt, be prepared for the possibility of being left with a mess.

Some women love hard. I am one of them. I don’t open my heart and invite just anyone in. I can interact with someone and enjoy their company, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve let them in. If I have chosen to let you in, that’s a huge deal. I have had some good relationships, and I have had some terrible ones. It’s the terrible relationships that have shaped me into the person that I am [in a relationship] and has helped me establish what I will and won’t tolerate in one. So, if I have granted you the privilege of being apart of my heart, if I have chosen to bless you with my love- that’s a huge fucking deal.

When I am sought for advice on love and relationships, I’m full of suggestions and solutions. I am a great moderator. But just like they say doctors make the worst patients, when it comes to my own, I’m not readily able to take my own advice. I am way guilty of staying in a situation way longer than I should. I am guilty of giving more chances than they deserve. I am guilty of questioning my own intuition. I acknowledge the sensing of something off, but I don’t trust it. When something confirms my sense or suspicion, I kick myself. I knew it! But that’s not too helpful after the fact. It’s difficult to confront someone about something that has yet to happen.

When you give chance after chance  for him/her to get it right and time after time s/he disappoints you and leaves you at a fork in the road, you feel stuck. Do I just cut my losses and keep it moving? But I love him/her. Should I give him/her yet another chance? No, s/he’ll just hurt you again, lie to you again, betray you again. Then you inevitably look at yourself. Is there something that I could have done differently? I should have listened to myself. And God forbid you’re in a situation with a person who will gladly shift the blame back to you. Now you’re confused. Is it me?

Why are we the ones who have to “stick it out”? Why are we the ones who have to wait around for him/her to change? Why are we always so willing to believe that we are enough for him/her to change?

It’s a dangerous place when a woman is fed up, when a woman has had enough. Not nearly enough of us just get up and move on early, it’s usually too late. We too often stay passed the point of reconciliation. We too often stay until we can no longer bear to look at him/her.

Why do we take so long to get it? Why do we stay? Why don’t we trust our intuition?

 

 

 

Note: This post became lost in the drafts and was never published. Oops!

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