The One about White Castle


Dating in my late teens was fairly simple: meet a girl and hope she’s down to get naked sooner than later. There weren’t any thoughts about anything long-term, just making it happen with the quicks. On campus, I had a girlfriend, but girls would still find the time to creep into my dorm room, even though she was only nine doors away. During the summer, my boy Ant would return home Howard usually sweating some girl that was from Jersey. After our sophomore year I let him convince me to go on a double date with a chick he was trying to get with and her cousin. I didn’t know what to expect, but I know I didn’t have my date in mind when she got into the backseat with me. Her hot pink toenails matched the end of her tracks and her voice filled the car with a shrill that made the light hairs on my neck stand on end. Let’s just say I didn’t have a good night.

When a young lady I’d gotten close to the next year suggested we keep in contact through the summer, I pretty much dismissed the notion, but her calls and e-mails were consistent enough for me to agree to grab a bite to eat and go bowling. However, there was one catch; her cousin had to come with us. I called my boy Ant, he owed me for that blind date the previous year, plus he had a car and a job, so I wouldn’t have to finance the entire night by myself.

We agreed to meet at the bowling alley in the town that divided the cities we lived in and I wouldn’t have blamed Ant for hopping in his car and leaving as soon as he saw his date for the evening. Even in the heat of summer, her outfit was inappropriate for being out in public, let alone going bowling. Her shorts were three sizes too small and her shirt barely covered anything up top, but he was down for the night. Little did we know that it was a league night at the alley, so it would be 10pm before we had a chance at a lane, so the plan became let’s grab a bite to eat and then a movie. However, we couldn’t decide between Bennigan’s or Fridays, so maybe we’d do better selecting a movie.

This is where we made our first mistake of the night.

Instead of us all piling in Ant’s hooptie, we coupled up to take a five minute ride to the theater. While Ant and his date got to know each other better, we fogged the windows up in the other car and by the time we looked up, they had taken off. We figured they went to check the movies out, but they weren’t there. Back to the bowling alley, nothing. There are literally dozens of places to eat on this strip, so it would be nearly impossible to find them. Then the sky opened…

I swear it had never rained this hard before or after this night, but the surprise storm delayed the search for our friends, so we camped out back at the bowling alley. Twenty minutes of kissing and rubbing and we were looking for the closest pharmacy when I see Ant’s car parked in the cut! I stayed silent, because I figured he was going for his, much like I was going for mine. Plus, I knew where to find him when it was time to head home. It’s funny how closely related horniness and hunger were at the time, because after stealing a three-pack of condoms from CVS (long story), we ended up in the White Castle drive-thru.

The rain subsided and though it was the perfect opportunity to suggest we find the other couple, we posted up in the White Castle parking lot when she decided to channel her inner exotic dancer, right there in the parking lot! She’s dropping it low, poppin’ it, doing splits and grinding on me as I ate my burgers and suddenly my belt unfastens. It would’ve been cool if I was seated in the car, but I was standing against the back door! She opened both doors on the driver’s side to conceal her as she ascended out of sight. Two minutes later I see Ant’s car coming around the bend of the drive-thru line, when I hear a loud laugh and something inaudible, but it sounds like “Suck that dick girl”! The grin on Ant’s face as they pull in the spot next to us lets me know it’s a family thing and the high fives and laughs they share show me there’s no shame in their game.

Before we could regroup and determine what was next for the night, the rain returned and sent us scrambling. I motioned for them to follow us, but they disappeared as we went through a yellow light. We drove back to the spot I’d seen his car earlier, nothing. The same went for White Castle, the movie theatre, bowling alley and every other crevice we spent nearly two hours searching. The rain would not quit, time was pushing closer to the late night and I did not want this girl to know where I lived, so finding them took priority over everything. Everything! Even as she pulled into a dark spot behind a building and reminded me of the condoms, I was intent on finding my boy and putting an end to this miserable night.

The rain slowed to a drizzle and the split in her pants spread as I figured my search could be suspended for a few minutes. Barely two minutes later, headlights flashed and like a deer in headlights I froze…only to realize it was Ant on the other end of the parking lot, seemingly alone. Then she appeared and suddenly faced with the opportunity from escaping this adventure, I went into overdrive, trying my best make this evening anticlimactic, but she was enjoying my attempt at being horrible. A look back over my shoulder and their car appeared empty, it just wasn’t my night. A few minutes later we were exchanging hugs and laughs, I think Ant and her cousin may have exchanged numbers, but this night was to be buried in the back of our minds. For years, Ant and I would laugh at our stupidity, but we would never try to hook each other up with another girl!