Love is a Losing Game

I was just living my life. You blindsided me with your beauty and your mind. I didn’t see you coming. I am in a place where I can truly say I’m happy but you showed me that I didn’t realize that I was missing something. Though briefly, you added something to my life. Something to look forward to, something that broke the monotony of my everyday. Something that showed me that I was still capable of feeling. Something that showed me that I was still desirous, that I was still beautiful, that I still had it.You brought more laughter and smiles into my life. You touched parts of me, that I had been ignoring for years, without hands.  And just as quickly as you entered my life like a whirlwind, like sand you slipped through my fingers. Like a predator in the night, you’re gone. All I have left is evidence that you were once here, condensation of your breath on the window that’s my heart, a phantom imprint on the pillow that I laid for you, remnants of a scent that I imagined.
I feel like something is missing. It’s incredible to me that what would seem so minor in the eyes of others has made such a major impression on me. And I’m expected to just let it go? Just let you go? Just stand here and watch you walk away? I don’t want to. But I know it’s not about what I want, it’s about what’s best for us, for you. I still don’t want to. I want to be selfish and have you for myself. I want to be selfish and escape for days to your haven. I want to be selfish and inhale your scent, taste your kisses and rub your head until you fall asleep. But it’s wrong to be selfish, it’s wrong to want for me, for us, what will inevitably harm you.I don’t want to hurt you but I also don’t want to see you go.

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

One I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

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To Her Heart…..

 

To Her Heart,

 I am so in Love with you that I can only display my affection for you emotionally. I want to do so much for you that it would take further than forever for me to fulfill those obligations to you. I want to be that fourth inspiration within your life (with the exception of God, and your two beautiful children) that you can depend on for Love, happiness, security, and inspiration. Although our first attempt at a relationship was not suitable to your life at the time, I strongly believe that it was a wonderful introduction to something that is able to shine brighter than one’s eye could see…if given the chance.  

Recently, you’ve allowed an addiction to play a role in your life, and I know that you know that death by carelessness will not help you to become all that you aspire to be in life. Baby, allow me to be your addiction! I want you to be so addicted to me, that you decrease your chances of damaging that beautiful body, and increase your possibilities of becoming more than a successful example for your children to idolize. Please understand, I am not asking for you to become solely reliant on me. No! I am asking you to step outside of your hindering ways and allow me to be the provider for you that will never, ever let you down; the provider that will openly and honestly supply you with everything that you may be in need of outside of your own independence.

I am willing to take any amount of baggage from your situation that may be weighing on you, place it on my back, and carry it so far away from you; causing you never having to use your past as an excuse as to why you “can’t”, when you know in your heart that “you can”. I know that you still Love me. You’ve expressed that! However, I truly would like you to profess those words, if in fact you accept those words in your heart to be true. Since your departure from me some time ago, I have devoted myself to a mission to find Love and submit to its embrace. I refuse to settle for anyone who isn’t willing to give their all. Now, I am more mature. I am more aware. And I am more deserving of the things that I felt that wasn’t worth in the past.

These words don’t explain all of how I feel about you; I’ve shown you. My word is my bond; I’ve proved that to you. I could care less about what you think others think about you, my foremost concern is what I can do for you. I’ve acknowledged that! Ultimately, my motives, in which I write these words to you are, one, to tell you what exactly has been going through my mind since connecting with you again. And, two, to find out if a second opportunity awaits us to be together again. If there is a second chance at a you and I, give pleasure to my expectations. If you feel that your life is able to thrive comfortably without my involvement, please allow me that clarity. As always, the decision that you choose will not take away from the Love that my heart holds for you…..I Love You.

 ~ From His Heart