The Defining Date

We had been dating for a little over a year now and my expectations for our relationship had been slothfully shifting from fresh and exciting to moments of confusion, mixed with occasional scavenger hunts for clarity. As it stands (and I’m completely speaking from my perspective alone), our present, more than slightly, clips the wings of what we planned for ourselves when we first committed to this journey. It was agreed upon that our prospects for our growing relationship would have simplicity and honesty embedded within our foundation. And from those standards we would build.

As time moved on, there seemed to be a shift working its way into our routine. A shift that imposed plans of unfair intentions; a personal agenda if you will. The one who I was growing to the level of Love with began to become inconsiderate, even selfish to some extent. Phone conversations embodied a dryness that only the Sahara could relate to. One word answers that could possibly equal to complete a single sentence replaced full, thought-out, verbal expressions from the heart. The change was not a welcomed one. This was not what we planned for one another. Granted, things do not always go as planned, however the committment to be willing to participate had already been establish; as well as the promise that communication would be our most resourceful tool. I made sure to separate my thoughts and abilities to perform beyond the idea of a man who does nothing more than to fit the form of the societal perception of what a man is to be. I am striving to be more than that for more than just myself. With confidence, I claim that ‘I deserve better’. And what I view as our finest hour would reveal all answers that I needed to better choose the direction that best suited the question of ‘Should I stay’ or ‘Should I go’.

Over and over, we entertained the idea of spending time with one another where it didn’t involve sharing spaces with family members or friends. Without even noticing, our time together had developed into this tolerable time that consistantly included us plus whoever else. Refrain from confusion, we Love our Loved ones and those who are dear to our hearts. We just wanted an intimate hour where our souls would be about to connect. And that time would be tonight.

For days we put thought into the idea of ‘Where do we go for quiet to ourselves?’ And not one time did we agree. I’d say, “Justin’s?” She’d say, “No.” I’d suggest, “Warm Daddy’s?” She’d reply, “No.” Then, she gasps with excitement, “How about we keep it local and go to this spot near my house? It’s nice. It’s quaint. And I really think that it would cater to the mood that we’ve been search for.” I was convinced. She had my vote. So, I responded with, “You’re elation helped me make my decision more and more as the words left your mouth. Count me in!!!!!” This was going to be great for us.

We arrive to the restaurant at about 7:00pm. There aren’t many cars in the parking lot (which is a good thing in my eyes; very little socialization with other customers). We approach the door of the restaurant, I hold it open for my lady Love, and we enter. The view of the interior completely took me by surprise. The lights were dim, the mood exuded an essence of romance that was awe so inviting. And to top it all off, after being seated, our waitor lights a small candle in the center of our table. I had only imagined sharing a space such as this with a female prospect, and tonight a dream seemed to reveal itself to be true. Yet, while all this was happening, I still had it in my mind to remain honest and focused on achieving the task of gaining answers to the questions that I had been keeping bottled up; a defense mechanism with a false purpose to shield me from hearing the truth. I was exhausting myself with harboring issues. And I vowed that I would not allow another opportunity to pass without receiving understanding of why changes have occured within our relationship.

Up to this point, we were near finishing our meals and conversing about good times that we’ve shared since being together. We laughed looking back on some situations, even expressing alternate ways that we could have handled them. We also went as far as revealing family stories about one another to add to the evening’s development. We were really having an awesome time, but I felt that if we wanted to continue moments such as this, then we would also have to be willing to tackle unstable situations such as the unspoken downward spiral that we have recently been experiencing. So here goes nothing…..(To be continued)

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Love…..In Spectrums

It seems as if I have bad timing :: When it comes to Love :: Finally :: I’ve found someone :: Who would fit like a glove :: But circumstances :: Were naturally mismanaged :: Leaving probable prospects stranded :: It took a long time for me to :: Commit to being ready :: My hands were finally steady :: No hesitation Befuddled word placement :: Sweat running down the face I was ready :: But time wasn’t :: I’ve been Observing :: Rewording :: Searching :: And learning :: The language of Love :: Just so that :: When it’s my turn I would somewhat understand :: All of the above I thought I was :: Interested between distances :: Clamorous silence offsets listening :: So close :: Yet so far It was like sending signals :: Into the oblivion :: So hard to pay attention :: Extra!!!!! Extra!!!!! Read all about it :: At last The word is out :: And they’re really about it :: But timing :: They’re without it :: No where near soon :: So close to too late :: On paths to the same goal :: Two routes on a one way

To Her Heart…..

 

To Her Heart,

 I am so in Love with you that I can only display my affection for you emotionally. I want to do so much for you that it would take further than forever for me to fulfill those obligations to you. I want to be that fourth inspiration within your life (with the exception of God, and your two beautiful children) that you can depend on for Love, happiness, security, and inspiration. Although our first attempt at a relationship was not suitable to your life at the time, I strongly believe that it was a wonderful introduction to something that is able to shine brighter than one’s eye could see…if given the chance.  

Recently, you’ve allowed an addiction to play a role in your life, and I know that you know that death by carelessness will not help you to become all that you aspire to be in life. Baby, allow me to be your addiction! I want you to be so addicted to me, that you decrease your chances of damaging that beautiful body, and increase your possibilities of becoming more than a successful example for your children to idolize. Please understand, I am not asking for you to become solely reliant on me. No! I am asking you to step outside of your hindering ways and allow me to be the provider for you that will never, ever let you down; the provider that will openly and honestly supply you with everything that you may be in need of outside of your own independence.

I am willing to take any amount of baggage from your situation that may be weighing on you, place it on my back, and carry it so far away from you; causing you never having to use your past as an excuse as to why you “can’t”, when you know in your heart that “you can”. I know that you still Love me. You’ve expressed that! However, I truly would like you to profess those words, if in fact you accept those words in your heart to be true. Since your departure from me some time ago, I have devoted myself to a mission to find Love and submit to its embrace. I refuse to settle for anyone who isn’t willing to give their all. Now, I am more mature. I am more aware. And I am more deserving of the things that I felt that wasn’t worth in the past.

These words don’t explain all of how I feel about you; I’ve shown you. My word is my bond; I’ve proved that to you. I could care less about what you think others think about you, my foremost concern is what I can do for you. I’ve acknowledged that! Ultimately, my motives, in which I write these words to you are, one, to tell you what exactly has been going through my mind since connecting with you again. And, two, to find out if a second opportunity awaits us to be together again. If there is a second chance at a you and I, give pleasure to my expectations. If you feel that your life is able to thrive comfortably without my involvement, please allow me that clarity. As always, the decision that you choose will not take away from the Love that my heart holds for you…..I Love You.

 ~ From His Heart      

Acceptance…..

The choices that you have made in your life have caused me to view things in more logical ways than how I viewed them before. I cannot control any aspect of your life unless you allow me that opportunity to do so. Instead of fighting with you verbally about the best interests of what your life are, I have decided to lift weight off of both of our shoulders. No more arguments concerning the choices that you decide to make for your life. No more emotional disagreements of selfishness and selflessness. No more telling you how you should live your life! From here on out, I support you! I support the decisions that you feel will positively impact your life. I also support the decisions that you know will slow down your life’s progress, because those are the obstacles that will prove themselves to be nothing more than life lessons that you will be able to obtain knowledge from in your future.

I confess, I am a growing man who is in Love with a growing woman, who is also clear about his intentions of wanting her to be a part of his life to a degree in which could prove to be beneficial in an equal manner for her sake, as well as for his. However, due to the progressions of time, circumstances of events have proven themselves to be challenging. I am battling for the Love of a woman who is clinched onto another who she still holds dear; who she feels is worthy of her Love. As much as I would want to spend my time and energy getting you to realize that I am the ‘better man’ for you, I am growing restless.  I have given my all to you over and over again, but somehow due to your emotions being occupied, I am not being compensated equally with the Love and affection that I have provided for you. This may present itself in some form of egoism, if so, I am ready and willing to take all of the blame. Know that as long as God allows me to breath in and out, I will exhaust all of my options in showing you just how much I truly Love you.

 At this point, if my words haven’t had any influence on your emotions, I would rather you not even acknowledge my affections for you. Although, if what I have given you has provoked your feelings for me in any way, I am truly grateful to God. I am not asking for a relationship to be set up between us in the ‘nick of time’, I am simply asking for you to just consider my Love for you. If a relationship reveals itself to us as result of the patience of time, then we shall engage ourselves within its graciousness. I would Love to be the one who compliments your life! However, with that, an equal effort would have to be given. You would have to be willing to participate in a loyal and faithful manner, so that our pledge to one another can be one that others will be able to admire and emulate.

A Miscalculated Arrangement

A 5 hour drive
To a 4 mile home
A 3 day wait
And the 2 of us
Are finding it hard to meet
At least 1 time
As planned 15 days ago

There has to be a formula
That someone can form for us
To increase the value
Of our present state’s declining view
All of the rearrangements of schedules
And the “I can’t wait to see yous”
Seem to be going to waste
On premises of good use

I mean
In a 2 mile radius
Why should time have to
Wait for us
We’ve waited long enough
Plus a little more
To arrive at this point
We’re on 2 different planes
Unable to think straight
I’m feeling like the world’s on our shoulders
But wait…..

Accidents happen
In fractions of seconds
Some say sh*t happens
I say
Life happens
What will be
Will be
No matter what happens

I’m feeling pretty vexed
Pretty concave…..yes
But our slopes still slip
Towards the same vertex…..blessed

I think
We’re just going about this problem wrong
Relying on shortcuts
When in reality
The answer to our division is…..
Is long

Geometrically speaking
Things’ll shape up
In due time
Our hearts’ll come together
The stars’ll align
And with the assistance of each other’s compliments
We’ll be all right

Simply Astounding

We aren’t
But will
Nothing’s certain
But still
I replay in my mind
That one day we will

Giving hope
To a cause
That often
Gives me pause
I am certain
That she holds
What I know
To be the lead I need
To succeed
And prosper

I’m so interested
In her
That this
Is about her
Not her body
Or her curves
But
These words being served
To accentuate
Her mind
Her worth
Her gift
Her curse
Her revealation to me
That she would offer the chance to be
“Her”

I would write Love on her arms
And have her wrap them around me
Embrace her with relief
All the while searching
She has found me
Wow………. simply astounding

I would Love to grow old
Without growing alone
Share a world with another
That is already not my own
Settling her heart with my soul
Without mind of calling her body my home

My elemental purpose
Would be to Love her past her hurt
Introduce her to happiness
And remind her of how glad I am
That she is
However
Until I receive my confirmation
She shall remain nameless

I would write Love on her arms
Have her wrap them around me
Embrace her with relief
All the while searching
She has found me
Wow………. simply astounding

My Definition of “Love”

Love is the most transcendent representation of absolute satisfaction between two people that is often overlooked as nothing more than an extracurricular activity to add to the normal operations of everyday life. Allowing yourself to submit to Love’s embrace surrounds the heart with the greatest comfort ever to be experienced by the human being. Like that of an eclipse, the Mind, Body, and Soul align themselves, within, creating the most powerful display of emotions that can only be understood through the expression “I Love You”.